The Crest of Intimacy

Intimacy is one of those things that no matter how connected we are to another human being, remains a tenuous place of risk and discovery.

Risking intimacy, and then finding out that we are still loved and treasured, indeed we are even more valued, rewires a part of our inner self that was tensing and hardening around the wounding of previous risk taking when we were not so lovingly met, held and honored. All the scar tissue that grew out of those painful moments collectively influenced our dance into superficial ways of being with even the people who love and know us best.

Creating sacred space within yourself and with others, as we do in sacred circle, reminds you that you actually are safe in your own skin and you can take that out in to the world and self-attend in all circumstances, contrary to what years and years of self betrayal may have imbedded in your nervous system.

There are 2 kinds of women who come to sacred circle. There are the circle virgins, and there are the circle S.L.U.T.s. The circle virgin is in circle for her very first time. She’s usually nervous, wondering why she’s here at all, and wishes she were somewhere else doing something not nearly as unfamiliar, not to mention terrifying!

The circle S.L.U.T. on the other hand, the Sensual, Loving, Used-by-spirit, Truth telling woman, waltzes, shimmies or sashays into circle instantly feeling plugged into the high energy vibration and ready to play, dance, and journey again with her Sisters. It’s not that she doesn’t have hesitations of her own, it’s just that she knows the animal that is circle, and trusts the adventure into intimate communion that awaits.

As you can imagine from the descriptions above you can tell a virgin from a S.L.U.T pretty easily. And what’s so divine about the juxtaposition of these opposites, and the sacred safe space where both groups of sisters are held, honored and valued, is that virgins are welcomed open heartedly by their S.L.U.T sisters, and S.L.U.Ts are humbled and deeply compassionate for the bridge about to be crossed by their cautious virgin Sisters, remembering that they too at one time sat in the same cushion that their sister is now occupying.

The edge that Virgins and SLUTs together straddle is what I call the crest of intimacy. No matter how often we have come to the precarious place where intimacy is imminent, there is a hesitation that stirs within. Being seen, being truly and authentically seen, is just plain scary. But each time we risk that place and are welcomed and held in a safe and loving way, we are given access to an orgasm like relief & pleasure that heals and wholes us. Clearly it is so very worth the risk!

Like anything, melting into greater intimate connection with yourself is something that happens over time through devotion and care. The women who keep coming back to circle are devoted to the evolution of consciousness and awakening for themselves and our planet that is ignited and stoked in sacred sister circles. Virgins and SLUTs sit and dance side-by-side, weaving together our innocence and wisdom, sharing the intimate dance of re-birth, emerging from the womb both for ourselves and for all our sisters.

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After the Loving- the Integration


Have you ever returned from a training and expected everyone else to have changed and grown up? I know I have.

It came up in a Sister circle call yesterday after the lastest Sacred Sensual Splendor Mexico Retreat. Some sisters were feeling the after circle challenge of landing and re-orienting after a profound week of deep Goddess awakening.

When we get home is actually when the real fun begins!

Wouldn’t it be divine if everything you learned, experienced and gained awareness around could instantly be integrated into the tapestry of your life. Just imagine if all the existing systems and relationships would magically shift in psynch with your own expansion, accommodating your personal growth and awakening. Your work associates, your family members, and your clients would all just get it, the way you do!

Well welcome to the next phase of waking up. When you’ve acquired some tools and training, now your work is to artfully weave it all into your life in a wise, patient and energy mature way. In the Vividly Woman embodiment system we call this the texture of Harness. Harnessing energy so that we sustain our expansion is one of the most challenging and exciting things we take on as we dance into our calling to be Embodied Leaders.

I love watching my Sisters in the Vividly Woman community leave an event all on fire, ready to take on the world. And they do blaze a trail with their passionate sense of awakened self. However, there are also the growing pains that are an inevitable reality in the dance of our life. Like a recent Mexico Retreat attendee who wrote to me after our week in paradise together, “It won’t be sunshine and rainbows every day, but I feel confident that I can come back to this place (in myself) when things do get a little crazy.  I really learned how to sustain and utilize my energy in a way I know I couldn’t have gotten from reading or sitting in a seminar.” Now that’s evidence of integration vs post event crash and burn.

It’s largely the time between circles where so much of the wholeing and healing really happen, so that when you come back to circle next time, you are a different woman than when you left. Life has sculpted and molded you exquisitely, and you are ready for the next layer of discovery and integration.

Healthy integration means that we don’t need others to change, or even really need them to understand what we’ve been through. Being able to truly tolerate our own aliveness is all that we need to do while letting others have their own experience. When we have moments of wanting to explode or leak the energy, instead we ground it and spread it internally for an experience of transformative self expansion.

The Vividly Woman 4th Texture, Harness, is a practice of learning how to ground and contain mobilized energy in order to expand it and to sustain that expansion. Felt sense body cues of when and how you tend to leak your energy and diffuse your own power, is one of the most important things you can become intimately acquainted with so that when it is about to happen, you know, and you can make a conscious choice to behave differently. Expand instead of deflate. Integrate instead of crash.

Here’s a good exercise to try when you have a few minutes to yourself. It will help you establish a baseline somatic awareness about what it feels like to comfortably contain energy (integration) vs when you feel like you need to discharge it (crash and burn). Learning how to contain and tolerate expansion is essential to integrate expansion in your life. It will serve you in the areas of financial abundance, sex and health to name a few.

Integration Exercise

Identify something you crave. Something you desperately desire. That “just got to have it now” feeling. You may have in the past suppressed your craving for this thing, but for this exercise you’re going to give yourself the fullest permission to crave it.

Sense the craving in your body. Where is it in your body, and what is the quality of the sensation.

What you are sensing and the corresponding emotional feeling is your edge of energetic expansion. Your craving is a sensation of wanting to burst, yearning, aching for more space, right? So now, instead of fulfilling that craving and diffusing it, or instead of suppressing it so you don’t feel it any longer, instead of doing anything to the sensation itself, focus on expanding the container, your body.

As you take some nice deep breaths, imagine that with each breath you could expand your physical body. See and experience your body temple growing, inflating.

Now, when you can imagine your physical container larger than before, allow your craving sensation to slowly flow in to fill the extra space, spreading out to fill the new enlarged cavity and being contained in a less urgent ready to burst way, but still nice and plump and comfortably full, like a beach ball that floats. Enjoy the sensation of tolerating the craving because you are more spacious within yourself. Sense that there is more space for the energy expansion potential.

Sense again, this is a sensation of integrated expansion.
Practice this whenever you start to feel yourself resorting to past automatic tendencies of reaching for a substance or projecting your discomfort on to others to remove the agitated sensations of energy wanting to explode instead of integrate.
Please share your comments below.
Love and sisterhood,

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